No One is Teaching Men...

Nobody's teaching our men the importance and value of relationships. There are prescriptions and proscriptions for women. How to get a man. How to keep a man. How to sex a man. How to love a man. But there is no manual for men. There is no one teaching them that there is no special alignment of stars that will come with the right relationship. There is no perfect situation, no perfect woman, no perfect timing. No one is teaching men that like other things in life they desire, they have to take a chance. No one is teaching them that their professional development is no more important than their personal development, their personal relationships; that after all the money is spent and earned, 401ks depleted, children in college, parents deceased, what they will have is the personal they built and THAT is important. No one is teaching men that anything worth having is worth fighting and working for and that includes love. I wish someone would teach men the importance of love. No one is teaching men that although you should work for love, it shouldn't be that type of work that you dread, but that work that you do cuz you love it. No one is teaching men so women don't have to convince them, teach them the value of relationships. No one is teaching men how to stay in relationships, what it takes to build and maintain one. They know how to get a woman. They know how to sex her. They know how to keep her...around. I wish some one would teach men. Teach men that perfection doesn't exist. I wish some one would teach men that women are not the only ones looking for the one. That all the time they spend dodging relationships is time they waste looking, but not looking for this perfection, this magic moment, magic person that doesn't exist. Men seem to be waiting for this gong from the heavens that doesn't exist. No one is teaching men that this is a feeling thing. This is not calculated. not planned. The time you spend planning love, attempting to make space for relationships is the time you miss. No one is teaching or showing men that the most special and prosperous relationships are those that begin with a feeling. No one is teaching them that they could lose the one they're looking for along the journey. I just wish someone would teach some men...something

But no one taught me this either....

Organ Donor

If I could be honest, I would tell how damaged I was am.

If I could be honest, I'd tell you that every time I ask to see you, either beating, preventing, or forcing you to...


whatever your response is, I lose (a little confidence, a little faith)

...a little space - a little, just a tad of myself


A tad of control that I have held on to for so long

a bit of my health

If I could be honest, I'd tell you that I am AFRAID, scared, terrified of liking LOVING and hurting someone

I am afraid that by liking, then loving, that I (eye) will meet, re-meet, repeat a broken heart

If I could be honest,

If I could be in control, I'd let go!







Since I'm being honest:

I hate LOATHE despise asking someone to see me! I make a mental note EVERY time I make an inquiry to be seen. I hate not being fit in to some one else's schedule. I hate complicated. I hate compartmentalizing in REAL life, you know with real people and real feelings. I HATE when my feelings fast forward quicker than reality and I don't know whether I should catch up or speed up or stay still and figure out what's it all about.

I HATE feeling like a disturbance.



Since I'm being honest, than I could be honest with myself and:


recognize that sometimes its in my head. But when that feeling is in my gut, I can't turn a blind eye to what will end in my broken (borrowed) heart.