S.K. - Respect

Few people know....I shot this! (and I'm proud of myself)
See the secrets you learn when you read....

His/Mines

I woke up and realized I was in front of his baby mom house, in my car after getting out his car, waiting for him to return with his children so they wouldn't tell on him so he could avoid a fight with his baby mom! What the absolute fuck is going on here? This is my life?! No.

So I started my car to go to my house and sleep in my bed, instead of my car and left my phone off and woke up and realized, this makes much more sense! 

"If anybody speak to Scotty, tell him 'beam me up!'"

Lately I've noticed that my emotions, rather my reactivity to OTHER people's actions have been at an all time high. I don't like it. I can come up with many reasons why: they're idiots, morons, jerks, inconsiderate, self-absorbed, over-rated (add fitting adjectives)....I could keep going, but what really matters is me! I cannot and will not be able to change them, only me. And what I need to change is how I deal with and react to other people. My sophomore year of college a friend told me my expectations of others are higher than they are of themselves - THAT is a gift and a curse I now notice, as it has affected me. I don't want to start going into things with low expectations, because not only would that not be me, but not be right. BUT something has got to change - again, it's me!

I need some me time! Some time where I'm free to be me, free as I can be from the idiots of the world. I'm having trouble with that because I'm always with other people lately - some of which are idiots (or do idiotic things) If I could attach a song, it would have been Wale: Friends and Strangers (maybe that's why tumblr is cool). I keep having these moments of clarity and acting on them has been soo freeing (see the theme)

This just might be that time of year when I RUN-AWAY! I'm searching for a Window Seat.

I Don't Like Tumblr

I don't like things that carry a ot of hype, that I don't understand. I do not know how to work it, it's too complicated - the creativity and technology quotient are too high. I just wanna write! There's too much pressure with tumblr to make it visually appealing. I just wanna write, and read, and be free....

On to my next blog post ---->

S.K. feat Beano DO IT ALL

The Difference a Year Makes

Its crazy, last year this time I was sick, ill, absolutely miserable. Fresh off a break-up, that I would re-experience 6 months later but almost without a hitch.

I remember being at my little cousin's birthday party, feeling unable to function. I was so messed up that I had to take a nap mid-party cause I just couldn't deal. I am SOO happy to NOT be there. 

They same time heals all wounds, but I don't know about that. Actually I was a big proponent of that theory, yet now I don't know. My "wounds" aren't as fresh, but they're are still there. In fact, I bear them with pride because I am indeed stronger.

As I mentioned, 6 months later I revisited that break-up, but it was not nearly as tragic. I was so messed up. I didn't even recognize myself, as far as cognitions go. I talked to his grandma and said, "I've been crying for two weeks!" I had been, now I haven't really cried in...yup, 6 months.

As I said, I wear those scars with pride. Yes, I am bruised, a little bitter, and a little resentful and I am NOT ashamed of that. Why should I be. My feelings towards him and that experience were real and do not take away from my future with someone else. What it does is allow me to be smarter, love more carefully, and be less willing to take the crap. I accept those charges and those scars.

People should be less concerned about the women (or men) who walk around bruised, than those who walk around NOT acknowledging the B.S. that they continue to put up with and accept. That is NOT healthy, that is scary. My broken heart has taught me a lot about myself, him and love. If you are unwilling to learn and face the reality, that is cause for concern.

Signed, 

My Beautiful Bruised Heart

S.K.- All The Way (prod by Wesman Child)