Friday, April 15, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The Difference a Year Makes
Its crazy, last year this time I was sick, ill, absolutely miserable. Fresh off a break-up, that I would re-experience 6 months later but almost without a hitch.
I remember being at my little cousin's birthday party, feeling unable to function. I was so messed up that I had to take a nap mid-party cause I just couldn't deal. I am SOO happy to NOT be there.
They same time heals all wounds, but I don't know about that. Actually I was a big proponent of that theory, yet now I don't know. My "wounds" aren't as fresh, but they're are still there. In fact, I bear them with pride because I am indeed stronger.
As I mentioned, 6 months later I revisited that break-up, but it was not nearly as tragic. I was so messed up. I didn't even recognize myself, as far as cognitions go. I talked to his grandma and said, "I've been crying for two weeks!" I had been, now I haven't really cried in...yup, 6 months.
As I said, I wear those scars with pride. Yes, I am bruised, a little bitter, and a little resentful and I am NOT ashamed of that. Why should I be. My feelings towards him and that experience were real and do not take away from my future with someone else. What it does is allow me to be smarter, love more carefully, and be less willing to take the crap. I accept those charges and those scars.
People should be less concerned about the women (or men) who walk around bruised, than those who walk around NOT acknowledging the B.S. that they continue to put up with and accept. That is NOT healthy, that is scary. My broken heart has taught me a lot about myself, him and love. If you are unwilling to learn and face the reality, that is cause for concern.
I remember being at my little cousin's birthday party, feeling unable to function. I was so messed up that I had to take a nap mid-party cause I just couldn't deal. I am SOO happy to NOT be there.
They same time heals all wounds, but I don't know about that. Actually I was a big proponent of that theory, yet now I don't know. My "wounds" aren't as fresh, but they're are still there. In fact, I bear them with pride because I am indeed stronger.
As I mentioned, 6 months later I revisited that break-up, but it was not nearly as tragic. I was so messed up. I didn't even recognize myself, as far as cognitions go. I talked to his grandma and said, "I've been crying for two weeks!" I had been, now I haven't really cried in...yup, 6 months.
As I said, I wear those scars with pride. Yes, I am bruised, a little bitter, and a little resentful and I am NOT ashamed of that. Why should I be. My feelings towards him and that experience were real and do not take away from my future with someone else. What it does is allow me to be smarter, love more carefully, and be less willing to take the crap. I accept those charges and those scars.
People should be less concerned about the women (or men) who walk around bruised, than those who walk around NOT acknowledging the B.S. that they continue to put up with and accept. That is NOT healthy, that is scary. My broken heart has taught me a lot about myself, him and love. If you are unwilling to learn and face the reality, that is cause for concern.
Signed,
My Beautiful Bruised Heart
Friday, April 1, 2011
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