Phreedum: Phind out Phriday: Behind 3 Great Men is 1 Great W...

Phreedum: Phind out Phriday: Behind 3 Great Men is 1 Great W...: There’s the man who makes the music and there is the woman behind the music. There’s the man who plays the music and there’s the woman behi...

HEY, THAT'S ME!!!

No One is Teaching Men...

Nobody's teaching our men the importance and value of relationships. There are prescriptions and proscriptions for women. How to get a man. How to keep a man. How to sex a man. How to love a man. But there is no manual for men. There is no one teaching them that there is no special alignment of stars that will come with the right relationship. There is no perfect situation, no perfect woman, no perfect timing. No one is teaching men that like other things in life they desire, they have to take a chance. No one is teaching them that their professional development is no more important than their personal development, their personal relationships; that after all the money is spent and earned, 401ks depleted, children in college, parents deceased, what they will have is the personal they built and THAT is important. No one is teaching men that anything worth having is worth fighting and working for and that includes love. I wish someone would teach men the importance of love. No one is teaching men that although you should work for love, it shouldn't be that type of work that you dread, but that work that you do cuz you love it. No one is teaching men so women don't have to convince them, teach them the value of relationships. No one is teaching men how to stay in relationships, what it takes to build and maintain one. They know how to get a woman. They know how to sex her. They know how to keep her...around. I wish some one would teach men. Teach men that perfection doesn't exist. I wish some one would teach men that women are not the only ones looking for the one. That all the time they spend dodging relationships is time they waste looking, but not looking for this perfection, this magic moment, magic person that doesn't exist. Men seem to be waiting for this gong from the heavens that doesn't exist. No one is teaching men that this is a feeling thing. This is not calculated. not planned. The time you spend planning love, attempting to make space for relationships is the time you miss. No one is teaching or showing men that the most special and prosperous relationships are those that begin with a feeling. No one is teaching them that they could lose the one they're looking for along the journey. I just wish someone would teach some men...something

But no one taught me this either....

Organ Donor

If I could be honest, I would tell how damaged I was am.

If I could be honest, I'd tell you that every time I ask to see you, either beating, preventing, or forcing you to...


whatever your response is, I lose (a little confidence, a little faith)

...a little space - a little, just a tad of myself


A tad of control that I have held on to for so long

a bit of my health

If I could be honest, I'd tell you that I am AFRAID, scared, terrified of liking LOVING and hurting someone

I am afraid that by liking, then loving, that I (eye) will meet, re-meet, repeat a broken heart

If I could be honest,

If I could be in control, I'd let go!







Since I'm being honest:

I hate LOATHE despise asking someone to see me! I make a mental note EVERY time I make an inquiry to be seen. I hate not being fit in to some one else's schedule. I hate complicated. I hate compartmentalizing in REAL life, you know with real people and real feelings. I HATE when my feelings fast forward quicker than reality and I don't know whether I should catch up or speed up or stay still and figure out what's it all about.

I HATE feeling like a disturbance.



Since I'm being honest, than I could be honest with myself and:


recognize that sometimes its in my head. But when that feeling is in my gut, I can't turn a blind eye to what will end in my broken (borrowed) heart.

The Bridge Poem
Donna Kate Rushin.

 I've had enough 
I'm sick of seeing and touching
Both sides of things 
Sick of being the damn bridge for everybody  Nobody 
Can talk to anybody
Without me 
Right? 
I explain my mother to my father my father to my little sister 
My little sister to my brother my brother to the white feminists 
The white feminists to the Black church folks the Black church folks 
To the ex-hippies the ex-hippies to the Black separatists the 
Black separatists to the artists the artists to the my friends' parents. .
Then I've got to explain myself 
To everybody 
I do more translating 
Than the Gawdamn U.N. 
Forget it 
I'm sick of it 
I'm sick of filling in your gaps 
Sick of being your insurance against 
The isolation of your self-imposed limitations 
Sick of being the crazy at your holiday dinners 
Sick of being the odd one at your Sunday Brunches 
Sick of being the sole Black friend to 34 individual white people 
Find another connection to the rest of the world 
Find something else to make you legitimate
Find some other way to be political and hip 
I will not be the bridge to your womanhood 
Your manhood 
Your human-ness 
I'm sick of reminding you not to 
Close off too tight for too long 
I'm sick of mediating with your worst self 
On behalf of your better selves
I am sick 
Of having to remind you to breath
Before you suffocate 
Your own fool self. 

Forget it  Stretch or drown  Evolve or die  The bridge I must be  Is the Bridge to my own power I must translate My own fears Mediate  My own weaknesses I must be the bridge to nowhere  But my true self  And then I will be useful.

..not my future

"Recent improvements in data collection offer
unprecedented insight into the romantic partnerships
of disadvantaged men, revealing higher levels of instability,
complexity, and commitment than previously understood.
Young disadvantaged men are often involved in
casual romantic relationships that result in pregnancy.
When this occurs, most men remain involved with the
mother, are optimistic about the future of their relationships,
and are committed to their children. Economic
disadvantage, incarceration, conflict, and mistrust undermine
the stability of these relationships, however, and
most end within several years after the birth. New romantic
relationships begin shortly thereafter, creating complex
family structures. We know less about the patterns
of interaction between couples that produce unstable
partnerships or about the nature of romantic relationships
that do not involve children. With our growing understanding
of the presence of fathers in nonmarital households,
policy-makers must adapt their policies to support,
rather than undermine, these fragile unions."

A YEAR AGO THIS WOULD HAVE MADE ME CRY! NOW I JUST SHAKE MY HEAD AND PRAY THAT THIS WILL NOT BE MY FUTURE #carryon

REFLECTIONS...

My computer is about to die, so that means I need to make this QUICK (and short)

A year ago I could not have imagined I'd be doing this, but I must say I LOVE IT! I am very proud to be the lead in a team of very strong, determined and visionary individuals, with S.K. as the face, the energy, the voice and the talent. S.K. just put out an ALBUM in April titled The Progression, but coming to a d/l link near you coming Monday, will be his newest project Smoking Mirrors... (ok, quick -- the yellow triangle is tormenting me)

Here is the first single off this mixtape:

Reflections in the Mirror ft. Toby (Girls High Alum, whoop, whoop!!!)


Reflections in the Mirror ft. Toby by SKMusik

download here ---> http://goo.gl/B7dAc

Not down with O.P.P.

As a woman in "the industry" my role in a little more precarious than all the males that are tryna get it. Yes, I choose to have a role that is in the background, but that does not mean ground. I will not be walked on. That does not mean that I will let ANYONE (man or woman) disrespect or discredit me.

The (first) assumption will always be that because I am a woman that I am NOT working. Fools you are, because she always is. And just because that is the common assumption, I will not accept it! I will not let any one take credit for my work right in front of me! I refuse. You don't have to know who has done it, but know that you didn't.

And you know what, let's add pride into the equation.. If I (anyone) works hard and the results are successful (or lucrative) one should be proud and sensitive about that. The fuck I look like letting any one take ownership of what's mine? I am not a bragger, but a corrector. Don't claim shit that ain't yours!

I will take this opportunity to talk (brag) about the hard work that I have and continue to do. Actually, it's not just hard work, but good work. I am a driving force behind three very talented individuals right now. I am proud of them and of myself and (again) I will not let anyone cut me out of the equation. (As my guys shouldn't either) One should know that if you are dealing with them, you are dealing with me. It is a package and if that makes you uncomfortable or unwilling then YOU have the problem, not me! I am damn pleasant and a treat to work with.

Dub-C on a MISSION...

I got to return to Paradise this week and as I expected, it was better than I left it. Trouble is there were some people there not simply welcoming some underprivileged children and youth to a moment Paradise, but attempting to coerce them into a lifetime in the Kingdom of God, by way of the privileged (and obviously more moral) white people.

I know how that sounds...

I Want to Stop Feeling Alone...

I keep having the momentary bouts of bad attitudes. Some are reactive, but I can admit that some are truly unwarranted. And I know what I want (need). But I hate to admit it because it makes me feel weak. The reality of it though, and I need to accept it, is that it is not WEAK to yearn for the companionship of another human being. That's what we are here for, that is the nature of this beast. We are social creatures that flourish best in social situations, etc. Yet, knowing this I still feel like I'm not supposed to want (need) someone. I never felt like that and again, I blame him. I was ok knowing that I needed him, then that led to a shattering and from that I've become "good".

Suicide

Trying my best to channel it
To help you understand
How death was better than not being with this man
You'd only think I'm crazy
If you've never seen this place
But I think you missed out
If this love, you've never taste

Shelf (4/2010)

(Opened an  old notebook of mine, with intention to write something new and happened upon this. Though not my best work, it's "nice" to see where I was to see how far I've come. I went straight to Facebook to post it, then realized THIS should be the place where these go...)

I made room on my shelf for you
I threw my caution to the wind
and trusted this relationship to fly
I hung my dreamcatcher
not knowing that dreams aren't endorsed by cries
I packed up my past
and removed it from teh shelf
Closing the lids to previous wounds
flesh from someone else
I made room on my shelf for you
I folded my dreams and tucked them neatly away
For your dreams were the priority, placed on display

S.K. - Respect

Few people know....I shot this! (and I'm proud of myself)
See the secrets you learn when you read....

His/Mines

I woke up and realized I was in front of his baby mom house, in my car after getting out his car, waiting for him to return with his children so they wouldn't tell on him so he could avoid a fight with his baby mom! What the absolute fuck is going on here? This is my life?! No.

So I started my car to go to my house and sleep in my bed, instead of my car and left my phone off and woke up and realized, this makes much more sense! 

"If anybody speak to Scotty, tell him 'beam me up!'"

Lately I've noticed that my emotions, rather my reactivity to OTHER people's actions have been at an all time high. I don't like it. I can come up with many reasons why: they're idiots, morons, jerks, inconsiderate, self-absorbed, over-rated (add fitting adjectives)....I could keep going, but what really matters is me! I cannot and will not be able to change them, only me. And what I need to change is how I deal with and react to other people. My sophomore year of college a friend told me my expectations of others are higher than they are of themselves - THAT is a gift and a curse I now notice, as it has affected me. I don't want to start going into things with low expectations, because not only would that not be me, but not be right. BUT something has got to change - again, it's me!

I need some me time! Some time where I'm free to be me, free as I can be from the idiots of the world. I'm having trouble with that because I'm always with other people lately - some of which are idiots (or do idiotic things) If I could attach a song, it would have been Wale: Friends and Strangers (maybe that's why tumblr is cool). I keep having these moments of clarity and acting on them has been soo freeing (see the theme)

This just might be that time of year when I RUN-AWAY! I'm searching for a Window Seat.

I Don't Like Tumblr

I don't like things that carry a ot of hype, that I don't understand. I do not know how to work it, it's too complicated - the creativity and technology quotient are too high. I just wanna write! There's too much pressure with tumblr to make it visually appealing. I just wanna write, and read, and be free....

On to my next blog post ---->

S.K. feat Beano DO IT ALL

The Difference a Year Makes

Its crazy, last year this time I was sick, ill, absolutely miserable. Fresh off a break-up, that I would re-experience 6 months later but almost without a hitch.

I remember being at my little cousin's birthday party, feeling unable to function. I was so messed up that I had to take a nap mid-party cause I just couldn't deal. I am SOO happy to NOT be there. 

They same time heals all wounds, but I don't know about that. Actually I was a big proponent of that theory, yet now I don't know. My "wounds" aren't as fresh, but they're are still there. In fact, I bear them with pride because I am indeed stronger.

As I mentioned, 6 months later I revisited that break-up, but it was not nearly as tragic. I was so messed up. I didn't even recognize myself, as far as cognitions go. I talked to his grandma and said, "I've been crying for two weeks!" I had been, now I haven't really cried in...yup, 6 months.

As I said, I wear those scars with pride. Yes, I am bruised, a little bitter, and a little resentful and I am NOT ashamed of that. Why should I be. My feelings towards him and that experience were real and do not take away from my future with someone else. What it does is allow me to be smarter, love more carefully, and be less willing to take the crap. I accept those charges and those scars.

People should be less concerned about the women (or men) who walk around bruised, than those who walk around NOT acknowledging the B.S. that they continue to put up with and accept. That is NOT healthy, that is scary. My broken heart has taught me a lot about myself, him and love. If you are unwilling to learn and face the reality, that is cause for concern.

Signed, 

My Beautiful Bruised Heart

S.K.- All The Way (prod by Wesman Child)

Dead the Chivalry

I hear on read many women complaining that chivalry is dead, I am not a part of that camp. Can we be rid of this chivalry stuff...at least the cliche acts, that are more annoying than endearing.

Opening the Door

I'm always cold. Always. Because I'm always cold, I'm pretty sure that I'm walking really fast. Walking really fast so I can make it to the door of the building that has heat. Because I'm always cold. Chances are you're not. And there's an even greater chance that because I'm always cold, and walking really fast, I'm walking ahead of you, which means I'll make it to the door of the building first. What the heck does my cold self look like waiting for you to catch up to me to open the door of the warm building to make yourself feel like a man? I can handle it *opens door*

Kicked Off the Blogroll

I need to step my blog game up. Last week I was sad to see that I was removed from one of my friend's blogroll. I could have been angry because I was not given an heads-up, but several reasons halted my emotions from crossing that line:

I You Have a Blog (n-), One Must Blog (v-)

The most successful (steady viewer- and reader-ship) blogs are those that are constantly updated. I HATE to visit a blog that hasn't been updated in months, even weeks. Why would I want to read your post from 3 weeks ago, at first visit? So much has happened in my life since then, that is the time portal I'd walk away from. And if you don't care enough about your blog to update it, why should I?

I have been slacking considerably on blog updates, I haven't written a post in a bout a month, sans quotes. If I'm gonna have a blog, I must be a blogger. I notice I veer away from titles - I need to start embracing them, they sound good when you're speaking to people. But hey, I'm the same girl who says I just have a degree in Sociology, when I have a concentration in Criminology, and two minors in Psychology and Women's Studies - I don't give myself enough credit. I'll work on that.



Our Blogs Cover Different Genres

Mine tends to be a diary of sorts, his...is not! A lot of himself is put into the blog (successful, I must say) because he spends a lot of time updating it and being very receptive to suggestions for content and opportunities (at least from my perspective). So this is not to impose a hierarchy on our blogs - they're just different.

I put a lot of myself into my blog in a different way, this is me - usually in its most unadulterated, raw form. Ok, maybe not too raw or unadulterated cuz nothing has been too "out there". But I do think that holds me back the same way I go on long hiatuses from writing poetry because I cannot, will not, do not want to deal with those feelings or thoughts I have going on in here. I will work on that too.

My Blog Posts Tend to be Very Long

...thats not gonna change! 

Do regular guys still have a shot?.MP4

Valentine's Day Afterthought (quotables)

"...ultimately, marriage is not about getting something -- it's about giving it."

-Tracey McMillan

QUOTEABLES

"We don't want to promote color blindness. We want to recognize and understand what's in front of us. The same denial exists when they think we're in some post-racial environment. You remember? Right after we elected Barack, some thought that since we've elected a black man, everything's OK. As if that would solve all of our problems."

Michael Fosberg

My fellow bloggist (Helena Andrews)

The Downside of Love...

#EverydayB

“I don’t know how to take that…you said the other one was cool and I thought he was an asshole!”

Asshole or not, I love him. And frankly I’m tired of the people in my life thinking it is okay for them to make snarky, unwanted comments about that love or the one whom I love. I don’t need your comments to make me question my judgment or think about him. I don’t need that reminder to think about him. I think about him every day! Yes, everyday! I don’t need your comment to make me re-aware that I think about him every day! Every day he crosses my mind in some fashion, whether it’s a wave of anger, regret, resentment, nostalgia – regardless of the emotion, I am thinking of him. And your negative comment does not help my healing, it does not help me push him out of my head or my heart for that matter. I have chosen not to speak of him, because there is no need, he is with me EVERY DAY. And this asshole (me) is working on trying to rid myself of my thoughts of him every day and your decision to comment on him is not only annoying and hurtful, but adds to the difficulty of moving beyond every day to no days!

Thoughts on the *Dr. Gosnell Incident*

I'm trying to decide which way to go in this post -how long it should be, how political, how correct, how racial, how feminist, how endearing, how angry, how sad...I just don't know, but here I go:

I want to believe that at one time Dr. Kermit Gosnell was an advocate and a crusader for those without a voice, poor women (and men & families) of color who had few options for family planning (?), or medical care in general. I read that shortly after receiving his medical degree he opened up a methadone clinic and the now infamous women's clinic in one of the poorest neighborhoods in West Philadelphia. Brownie points all around.

But that's where my props end. The point where he decided to not only take advantage of women, not just of color, but also to exploit them in a vulnerable situation is where he loses my reverence.