Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I used to love HER too

There was a debate last night on twitter (there's always one of sorts) about hip-hop. People were commenting on the direction that it's going, who the leading rappers are today, has-beens, wanna-bes, the G.O.A.T, you know the usual. But, this debate was a little different for me for a few reasons, one being one of my friends was actually mentioned as being one of the hottest out right now (s/o to www.chillmoody.com) and that I had no desire to be a part of it, the convo that is.

Let me slow down, I wanted to be a part of the debate...but not enough to join it. And that struck me as odd, because I used to consider myself a "hip-hop head" in high school. I was a girl down with the movement; I was Ruff Ryder, Roc-a-fella, State Property'd out (you know very Philly home grown, by my preference). But you know, I was down...had the latest Clue and Cosmic Kev mix-tapes, guys was burning cds off of me! I was listening to the "Come-Up" show summer nights with the guys on the porch, joining their debates, I was nearly in tears when I heard Beanie Sigel's voice that year at Power House (you know, when the Broad Street Bully was a BEAST, surprising his city by staking claim against Jada - I can't remember the lyrics, but I remember the beat, I remember the flow, I remember the ENERGY that went threw that building...). Hip-hop helped me graduate high school, my senior paper was on hip-hop!

But you know, I was a young girl too young to be reciting lyrics: "when I sucked ya d*!&, it's like smoking a roach, why go from first class to coach?!" (too young to know what a roach was & too young to know what a d*&! was for that matter - so young I asked my mom: What does Notorious mean, as in K.I.M., as in Biggie) Mad at the girl from Da Band cuz she ain't know JUICY, how you don't know all the lyrics to JUICY?! You know people talk about growing up with memories of Luther, Anita, and Patti;well I had Biggie, Kim and Mary. How you not know the Ten Crack Commandments, how you not know Another, how you not know My Life?!

I was that girl! EVE taught me don't ever let a nigga hit you. Missy taught me how to dance. DMX taught me bout love, yes! (I was a good girl loving a bad guy!) MA$E taught me bout heart break (nobody mentions his album, that was like one of the best debut hip-hop albums!) Shit I was down with his squad too...hype they had the leading song off Rug Rats,"Uhn Baby Stace!" Kanye’s drop out ass taught me bout college, I was too young to buy his album because of the “WaRNInG!”

But somewhere between elementary school and college. Somewhere between Real Love and No More Drama, I lost it. I was not compelled to join the debate...I was not compelled to fill my "crates". I fell out of love...

Maybe I when I got old enough to realize Chris & Neef was running trains on girls disguising it as love: "You can take two/ain't no need to bring your people" Maybe when I was old enough to recognize payola. Maybe when I was old enough to hate the Snoopy Track and realize Nas was lying! You can’t be who you wanna be, stop hyping up my little sister and brother ---this world is rigged. Somewhere between my childhood innocence and my adolescent skepticism, I fell out of love with hip-hop.

I didn’t appreciate credit cards being slid down a girls ass, I didn’t appreciate buying out the bar, I didn’t appreciate all the girls in the videos not looking like me, I didn’t appreciate the girls in the videos suckin d*&! then airing it out, I didn’t appreciate “ya’ll” letting this ish that don’t take no skill, no talent, win! I got educated, radical, and lost my love. That undeniable love, I wasn’t fully astray cuz I still claim it, but not so that I wanna debate it.

But it’s coming back: I’m getting butterflies in my stomach when I hear Wale or J.Cole, Wiz make me wanna grab a dutch and roll. Even Nicki (yes Nicki at times) got me turning up my radio so loud, so mad it won’t go up no more. It’s coming back, I get nervous and anxious when I think about what’s new and afraid that I won’t be up on it. I wanna be a part of the movement- but this is one we’ve created, this is one that my generation has taken ownership of. My people was tired too…it hasn’t been all bad, but it wasn’t all good. Now it’s our turn to show the old n!ggaz we can do it too…

Some people to watch out for….there are plenty more not represented

Twitter:
@chillmoody
@phillysk
@bablyoncartel
@jonnyblack_jbmc
@bwyche
@antwandavisEST
@GQthePublicist
@hankmccoy
@giannilee
@justbeano
@elijahdon

Friday, November 19, 2010

My Privelege ain't Like Yours!

It's ironic(?) to me that there's this assumption of privilege associated with my being in Grad school. I'm not privileged in the economic sense, I will be hopefully.

I am privileged because I have the social-support to have gotten me where I am. But this assumption of privilege that people talk about when I'm in classes "makes me wanna holla!": I am not like you! I actually have a sense of what's going on at the low part if the social strata, not because I read about it or because I was lectured on it, but because I've lived it! My education only has allowed me to add language, to put a a name on my experiences, within and with out my community. It burns me up to hear, "Oh, we just don't know because of our privilege"...oh, I know and will never forget because I live it.

This does not discount the cushion that I know I've had in other areas such as social and familial support or the resulting opportunities. But then I question (which if by a white person would be called 'white guilt') why it's a "privilege" for me to have had what one should have to be remotely successful: supportive family and friendships.

My qualm at hand is don't assume I'm like you because I am where you are! I respect and recognize that we all have struggle, but mine ain't like yours! This privilege you speak of is economic, and I have not had that. I've learned that poverty is subjective; I know we didn't have a lot of money but luckily I didn't feel it. My family was a little closer to the threshold than below the poverty-line, but we were NOT advantaged. Them foodstamps kept me full, Medicaid kept me healthy and those fee-waivers helped me complete my college applications.

I am privileged because of my hard work or/and the affirmative action that probably helped get me here (s/o to PHEAA and other state grant programs). So I am privileged because I learned and was assisted in utilizing a system that is under-utilized and misunderstood by my folk!