I statements, fears, affirmations & truths

For three years I've been trying to build my business - for fours years I have been doing business...it is very very hard.

I went to a business planning workshop last night. Most people would say "I stepped out on faith" when actually, I stepped out in fear. I was very afraid to go this workshop. I was embarrassed to go this workshop. I was almost too proud to go this workshop ("you have the beginning of a business plan Latiaynna, why review the beginning steps when you're beyond the beginning?")

It is hard to ask for help, when every one thinks you have the answer.  

There is always this sense of fear and vulnerability in me when I speak about my business (look I can't even type "Tabb Management"). But lately I've been pushing myself to have the conversations I am afraid of having. 

My natural inclination to connect people to resources cripples me. There is so much safety in a room full of people you know. My friends keep asking where I've been, I should start saying: growing. 

There was so much fear in giving my friend the update, that it would be an intimate session & they should still try to attend. It was last little attempt at a lifesaver. 

I want to be vulnerable so I can learn. 

I am good at allowing other people to talk about my business, feigning embarrassment. But the more I let them talk about it, the more I allow the universe to shape what I am doing by other people's words and perceptions. 

I am working on my business identity and developing operations. I am working on ensuring that this business is successful, sustainable, and has legacy-potential - I want to leave something behind that my descendants can be proud of. 

I want to do things alone. I want to build my confidence by being in spaces where I'm vulnerable, challenged and forced to share what I'm actually thinking. 

I talk so much. All day long I have to communicate and I'm not really saying much. I want to be in solitude so I can grow. 

I will continue to talk to people who are not my peers, not my friends, not my mentors, but who have a vested interest in my success...because they have empathy, not because they know me. I will continue to seek out those who can help me and encourage me to learn without mincing words. 

I need reinforcement. I need someone to tell me that what I have been doing in isolation is the right direction and I want to believe it. Although I don't want to tell them. 

I don't want to tell them that every book I read and lecture I hear and informal conversation that I engage in that reinforces that what I am doing is correct makes the little me in my mind jump up and down and say "I know! I've done or tried that already" 

I want to be uncomfortable in a safe space. I want to be afraid I am providing the wrong answer to the right person who already has committed to helping me. 

I want to move beyond the space of being afraid that I am being perceived as incompetent. 

I want my actions to show that I am not afraid that I am powerful beyond measure.